You be the judge: should my boyfriend stop asking me the time – all the time?

Sarah is frustrated that Bernard won’t look at a clock himself; he says it only takes her a second. You decide who’s wasting whose time

Find out how to get a disagreement settled or become a You be the judge juror

The prosecution: Sarah

It sometimes feels like he thinks I’m Google – or his mum. Why can’t he just look at a clock?

Bernard recently broke his left wrist, and as a loving girlfriend, I helped him to tie his shoes and wash his armpits. He stopped wearing his watch then, as it was usually on that wrist. But he got into the habit of asking me the time, even when he was surrounded by clocks, and it became annoying.

He’d keep asking me for the time, and I’d think, why can’t you look at the clock yourself? His defence is that he isn’t accustomed to looking over to the clock. On one occasion, he was standing right next to my oven, which shows the time. I just frowned at him when he asked.

It has also happened on several occasions at his home. We’d be talking about something, or I’d be deep in thought, and Bernard would interrupt me to ask the time.

He thinks it is less effort for me to look at my watch and stop my own train of thought than it would be for him to look at his phone to find out the time for himself.

He has started carrying a watch in his pocket, so there really is no excuse. On one occasion, Bernard looked at me and asked for the time even though he was sitting right next to his alarm clock. I think he likes to take up my brain space.

He thinks it is less effort for me to look at my watch than it would be for him to look at his phone

He does this sort of thing all the time. He will ask a lot of questions and sometimes I wonder if he’s speaking to me, or if he’s just talking out loud. He will wake up and ask: “What’s the weather like?” I sometimes think he thinks I’m Google. It makes me feel like his mum. Why does he think I will have all the answers at any given moment?

If he ever finds himself blindfolded or has no other means of looking at a clock, then fine – I won’t mind. But normally, asking me for the time takes up just as much energy as it would to check it himself.

I used to grin and bear it during the period when his wrist was healing. But it has healed now, yet sometimes Bernard still asks. I would prefer it if he didn’t take the lazy route and rely on me for things he can do himself.

The defenceBernard

I had to stop wearing my watch when I broke my wrist. And it only takes a second to tell me

I was a bit sad about breaking my wrist because I was about to start my new job as a physio. Sarah is loving and caring and I appreciated her physical and emotional care. I couldn’t reach my armpits to clean them properly so she helped me, which I thought was going above and beyond.

I used to wear a watch on my left wrist, but I couldn’t when it was broken, as I was wearing a splint. My normal habits went out of the window as I didn’t have my watch in its regular spot. Sarah said I could have looked at my phone more but I don’t always have it on me. One time Sarah said: “Do you not have any timekeeping device on you?” I was probably being annoying and asking her too much but honestly, I had just got so used to asking her.

My logic was: if you know the time, it takes a second to let me know. But if you don’t tell me, or question why I’m asking you, it takes up more brain space for all of us – so why not just tell me? Sarah complains that I ask her too many questions in general. She says: “How am I supposed to know all the answers?” But she’s just so smart and beautiful that I assume she knows more than me.

On a serious note though, I did lean on her a bit too much when she was in that caring role. I get that it’s annoying for her if she’s in the middle of doing something, or in her own thoughts. I just talk loudly and when Sarah is there, I forget that I might be disrupting her.

I fell into a trap of relying on her. I get that it’s annoying for her if she’s in the middle of doing something, or in her own thoughts

We laugh about the time I was looking directly at her once and asking for the time, even though she was right next to the clock. She looked back at me and I knew that it was in disbelief. That was in my home, too. Another time, when I was standing next to the oven clock, we had a bit of a disagreement about it and I was probably defensive.

This is all a symptom of me thinking out loud too much, but I’m going to try not to do that from now on. I’m quite self-aware but I appreciate Sarah making me reflect on this without telling me off.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Bernard start checking the time himself?

I sustained a similar injury a few years ago, and discovered a radical solution to the wristwatch conundrum: it’s called wearing your watch on the other wrist. Your girlfriend’s name is Sarah, not Alexa. Do it yourself!
David, 38

Dump him, Sarah! Unless Bernard is willing to seriously reconsider his baby-like behaviour, this is a slippery slope. A man who asks you for the weather report because he can’t be bothered to walk to the window is not the man of your dreams.
Lorraine, 64

Now that he’s physically able, Bernard needs to stop treating Sarah like a search engine and start reflecting on the more meaningful ways they rely on each other as a couple. If he stops asking her the time, he might literally have more time to connect with her.
Samantha, 36

It seems Bernard has got used to relying on Sarah for practically everything. It was understandable, up to a point, when his wrist was broken, but not any more. Interrupting Sarah to ask her the time when she is talking makes him seem uninterested and rude.
Daniela, 42

I also broke my wrist recently, so I know there’s normally a computer, phone or TV nearby to check the time. I appreciate Bernard acknowledging his shortcomings in terms of being dependent – hopefully he can change his ways going forward.
Cavan, 29

Now you be the judge

In our online poll below, tell us: should Bernard stop bothering Sarah with his time requests?

The poll closes at 10am GMT on Thursday 25 January

Last week’s result

We asked if Alice’s family should stop using Edward’s toothbrush.

99%of you said yes – Alice’s siblings are guilty

1%of you said no – the siblings are innocent